


How can I love you if I can't love myself?

by llacklustre



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: A lot of comfort, Angst, Biphobia, Cheesy, Cliche af, Climbing Class, Comfort, Drunk Kissing, Everyone lives, F/F, F/M, Gay, Homophobia, Homophobic Slurs, Internalized Homophobia, Lots of Crying, M/M, Maybe fluff, Slow Burn, Swearing, beth and hannah are older then josh, beth hannah and sam are vegans, eventual smut????, gay everywhere, josh is kind of an asshole, learning how to love and accept yourself, nobody is straight here, predictable, sam is the mom friend this IS A FACT, self-hate, super unoriginal, the cabin situation hasnt happened (yet), theres a pug
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-12-28
Packaged: 2018-09-02 10:12:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 5,542
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8663536
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/llacklustre/pseuds/llacklustre
Summary: Josh struggles with his internalized homophobia and his feelings for his best friend Chris. What will win him over?





	1. Chapter 1.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fanfiction so I hope you enjoy. Also thank you to my best friend Mes for editing and revising my stuff for me ily

Chris had always been an outcast throughout his entire school career. He was quiet, shy, and awkward, but he always received straight A's and had never gotten a detention in his entire life. He didn't have that many friends besides Matt, Mike, Emily, Jess, Sam, Ashley, and his best friend Josh Washington.  
Well, Josh was the opposite of Chris. He was outgoing, social, and had other friends outside their friend group. Not to mention, Josh was a serious womanizer. He had a new girlfriend every week.  
Matt and Mike were dating, and Sam and Ashley were dating Josh's sisters, Hannah and Beth, Hannah being with Sam and Beth being with Ashley.  
Finally, Jessica and Emily were together. Chris had never had a girlfriend in his entire life. For about a year or so, he had a huge crush on Ashley and Josh would constantly tease him for it, but that never worked out for obvious reasons.  
It was their first and last day back to school as high schoolers, for they were seniors. Chris was walking around school trying to find his new and last high school classes. He held a steaming cappuccino from Tim Hortons and the sheet that read his class schedules, and a blue folder in the other hand. It was only half a day that day (as all first days are), so the classes were just 30 minutes' worth of introductions.  
Chris' class schedule read off:  
1st period: CHEM 12 with Mrs. Titan in rm. 403  
2nd period: STUDY HALL  
3rd period: PHYS ED with Mr. Fitzgerald in rm 701  
4th period: INDEPENDENT STUDIES OF FRENCH (FRENCH 5) with Mrs. Smith in rm 408  
5th period: AP CALC. with Mr. Pon in rm 405  
6th period: AP ENG. LIT. with Ms. Kim in rm 402  
Chris' favorite subject was English.  
Chris found his chemistry classroom and walked inside. He scanned the room to see if he noticed any of his friends. He spotted Josh waving at him. "Christopher!"  
Chris smiled and walked over to Josh. There were two rows of tables that had 3 chairs at each of one of them. Josh was seated at the table farthest to the back on the right in the closest to the wall seat. Chris plopped himself down into the middle seat. In the front of the room there was a desk that belonged to Mrs. Titan that had a latte, a cup of pencils, a computer, family photos, and other random items on it. There was a chalkboard directly behind it with the word "WELCOME" written with white chalk in large, bold letters. The walls were decorated with posters that had little poems that equaled chemical formulas, posters with stupid chemical puns on them, and a large periodic table.  
Josh beamed at Chris. "What's up, man?"  
Chris took the lid off his coffee cup and blew on it before taking a sip. "Nothing really," Chris replied.  
Josh nodded and responded, "As expected."  
Suddenly, Josh's face lit up, and he began to talk to Chris at a rapid pace. "So, tonight Jess is holding a party at her place because her parents are out of the count—"  
Josh was interrupted by somebody slamming their stuff down really loudly behind Chris. Chris turned around to see Mike sitting next to him. Chris smiled, seeing that he had another life-long friend of his in one of his classes. "Hey Mike!" Josh said.  
Mike acknowledged him by quickly lifting his head up and then turning back around.  
Josh rolled his eyes. Anyways," he said, "Jess' parents are out of the country for the next two weeks, so she's throwing a party as a somewhat celebration to the start of our senior year."  
Mike turned his head around to look at Josh, "What's this I hear about Jess and a party?"  
Josh chuckled. "Of course that would make you pay attention to what I have to say. Yeah, Jess is hosting a party tonight."  
Mike raised an eyebrow. "Oh yeah? Why didn't I hear about this sooner?"  
Josh shrugged. "She just told me and then told me to tell you guys. She is going to tell everyone outside the friend group, but do me a favor: I don't know if I will see everyone today. So, make sure if you see Sam or someone, let them know about the party just as a safety precaution."  
Mike nodded, "What time is it?"  
"Ten PM," Josh replied.  
Mike sighed. "Are you for real? A party that starts at ten will go on until like three AM. We have a full day of school tomorrow."  
Josh shrugged again. "I don't know, take that up with Jess, not me. I didn't take part in this decision, man."  
Mike shook his head, acting disappointed, but he cracked a small smile. "I'll be there."  
Josh smiled. "Glad to hear, I will text the address to the group chat just in case you guys might have forgotten her address, even though we have been there, like, a hundred times."  
Mike nodded. "Sounds good, dude."  
All three of the boys looked up as they heard the bell ring, and Mrs. Titan walked into the classroom, closing the door behind her. She was wearing a purple dress with floral designs on it, and it went a bit past her knees. The sleeves were cut off half way down her arm. She had long and thick curly black hair and pale skin. She looked fairly young and attractive. She smiled at the class and greeted them, introducing herself as Mrs. Titan.  
Josh quickly whispered to Chris, "Meet me at my locker after sixth period; it's number 487."  
School went by quickly, and Chris found out he had Econ with Ashley, Phys. Ed, with Sam, and Jess and AP English Lit. with Emily.  
Chris left his English classroom and looked for Josh amongst the sea of students flooding the hallway. He finally spotted Josh at his locker, grabbing his backpack out of it.  
Chris jogged over to him. "Ready to go?" he asked as Josh shut his locker.  
"Don't we have to get your stuff from your locker?"  
Chris shook his head. "I don't bring anything to school on the first day."  
Josh looked confused. "Uh, is that so? How come?"  
Chris was confused on why Josh was confused. "Uh, yeah it is so, because we don't get anything on the first day of school? I just brought a blue folder to collect handouts in."  
Josh shrugged and shook his head. "Whatever. You're weird, so I'm not surprised."  
Chris hit Josh on the shoulder. "Can I hang out at your place until the party?"  
Josh nodded and took Chris' arm, "Why didn't you ask sooner? Let's go, bro."  
Josh led Chris to the front of the school where his car was parked. Josh let go of Chris' arm once they got outside, and he dug into his pocket and pulled out his keychain. He clicked a button on his key fob, and the car unlocked. Josh's car was a matte black Jeep. Chris and Josh walked to his car, and Josh slide into the driver's seat, and Chris got into the passenger's seat.  
-  
Josh lived quite far away from the school. He lived deep into Blackwood Pines. The drive there was always nice to observe. The trees were thick, large, and close together, which gave the illusion that the woods were just a pitch-black entry way to something unknown. It was also beautiful in the winter too, seeing the paper white snow layered on top of the trees.  
They arrived at Josh's house, aka the Washington Manor. The manor was a two-story house that was a gleaming pearly white that had a winding driveway made of bricks that led to a garage that could hold 8 cars.  
Josh drove into the garage, for Beth left it open for him. He parked next to Hannah's red Chevy and turned off the car. Chris and Josh stepped out of the car, and Josh locked it as they headed towards the entrance.  
They walked up the stairs that lead to the heavy wooden doors with brass handles. Josh rang the doorbell and waited for someone to answer the door. They could hear high pitched yelping, and Hannah opened the door and smiled. "Hey, Chris!"  
Chris gave her a small wave. "Yo."  
Hannah got out of their way, and Josh and Chris walked inside. Hannah walked back to the kitchen and a small dog jumped into Josh's arms. Chris looked at Peaches, a light colored pug, who was licking Josh's face.  
Hannah smiled to herself. "How was your day at school today?"  
Josh was holding Peaches, who had now calmed down, in his arms. "Uneventful."  
Chris looked confused. "Didn't you and Beth start college today?"  
Hannah shook her head. "No, we are taking a gap year," she said as she threw oats and milk into a blender.  
"A what?" Chris asked.  
"It's basically this: we have a year of no school after senior year, but next year we both start at Yale."  
Chris nodded. "I might just do that myself."  
Hannah giggled and threw in some strawberries that she sliced up earlier into the blender. "Beth, Sam, and I are going to the gym whenever Sam gets here, by the way." "  
Alright, have fun," Josh said. "Chris, my room?"  
Chris nodded and trailed behind Josh to his room. Once they got to the door, Josh used his free hand to open the door to his room. Chris walked inside.  
Josh set down Peaches, and she ran inside and jumped onto Josh's bed. Josh walked in and shut the door behind him and started to set up his TV and Playstation.  
Chris sat down on Josh's bed and examined his room and remembered how Josh's bedspread used to be Voltron themed and how in middle school when Josh went through his emo phase and his walls were decorated with My Chemical Romance and Sleeping with Sirens posters.  
Now, his bedroom was bare. He had a queen sized bed with white sheets in the middle of his room that was across from a flat screen TV that was mounted on the wall. His walls were white, but they were aligned with pictures Josh had taken over the years with his polaroid camera that he got off of Amazon.  
There was a picture of Jess sitting across from Josh at a restaurant booth, looking down at her phone. There was another one of Josh and Chris together wearing matching ugly Christmas sweaters. Chris smiled to himself, remembering that night; how fun it was and how Chris and Josh encouraged Ashley to ask Beth out.  
His thoughts were interrupted by Beth opening the door and sticking her head into the room. "Hey, Sam is here. Have fun guys. Love you Josh! Please don't do anything stupid."  
Josh smirked mischievously. "No promises."  
Beth laughed and rolled her eyes. "I mean, do whatever, but don't come to me when Mom and Dad are threatening to take away your playstation again," she said, and then shut the door.  
Josh looked at Chris. "Does Mortal Kombat sit well with you? I just got the newest one."  
Chris' face lit up. "Hell yeah, bro! I have been dying to play Mortal Kombat X."  
Josh threw Chris a controller, then plopped himself down next to Chris.  
-  
During the final battle between Shinnok, that Josh and Chris are now attempting for the 13th time, Peaches began to whine and paw at Josh.  
"I think your dog needs to go outside or something," Chris pointed out.  
"She can wait just a second. He's almost dead."  
Peaches then carelessly walked into Josh's lap, knocking the controller from his hands.  
"Peaches! What the hell!"  
Peaches licked his face, and Chris was trying to fight back laughter while watching the situation, but he looked back up to see that Shinnok had already killed both of them due to Peaches disruptiveness.  
Josh sighed. "God dammit Peaches, you couldn't even wait three minutes? We almost had him."  
Chris pressed the home screen button on his controller, "Go ahead and take her outside, I will wait for you."  
Josh pouted and picked up Peaches, heading out the door. Chris had a few seconds to take in all of Josh's features from the back. The way his clothes hugged his arms, which he kept well in shape due to gym class, and thighs tightly, the way his hips swayed a bit when he walked, the way his caramel skin gleamed whenever sunlight hit it, and especially the way those skinny jeans made his ass look fantastic.  
I don't know if you know, but Chris is definitely in love with his best friend, Josh Washington.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josh wilds out

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> basically shit goes down hill from a certain point onwards, also thanks again to mes for editing this ily boo  
> if u wanna harass me, my twitter is: https://twitter.com/pricefield  
> sorry 4 taking forever too publish the next chapter too btw im wildin out

-

Josh eventually came back into his room where Chris was waiting for him on his phone.

"Its almost quarter after nine, should we get going?"

Josh shrugged. "Sure I guess, it doesn't take that long to get to Jess' place."

Chris clicked his phone off. "We can help her set up or something."

Josh nodded and opened his bedroom door and peeked his head out of it. "Looks like Beth and Hannah already turned off all the lights and shit."

Chris took it upon himself to turn of the PS4 and the light in Josh's room, and Josh took out his phone and shone it into the darkness, the white light highlighting the dust specks that fell from the ceiling and shadowing the furniture in front of it. It was almost as if it would protect them and guide them through a haunted cabin of sorts. Josh crept through the quiet and empty house, and Chris followed behind him.

Josh pulled his keys out of his pocket as they reached the door and unlocked and opened it. "Ladies first," Josh said, holding the door open for Chris.

Chris hit him on the shoulder as he walked out the door. "Fuck you, bro."

Josh laughed. "When and where?"

Chris froze up. "Uh.."

Josh shut the door behind him and locked it, he chuckled and strutted past Chris. "Wow, didn't know you wanted to take a hit at me, Cochise."

Chris was blushing and internally screaming, "Oh my god shut up, please, this is really embarrassing," he said, speed walking a bit to catch up with Josh.

Josh got to the garage and typed in a code on the panel placed on the side of the garage and it started to open. "Chris, you are the one making it embarrassing."

Chris sighed and walked into the garage once the door was done lifting. "I hate you, I really do."

Josh used his key fob to unlock his car and he opened the door and slid into the driver's seat. "You love me, now get into the damn car."

-

The drive was silent, it was just Chris and Josh driving through winding roads that were surrounded by dense trees on both sides with faint music playing in the background. Their headlights eventually led them into a more civilized area. Jess lived in a small suburb that held some rather large houses for the richer people that resided in Blackwood.

They arrived at Jess' house which was a large two story house that was made completely out of wood with a small yard that has some small shrubbery in the front of it. Josh parked in the driveway next to Jess' car.

Chris and Josh got out of the car and the walked to Jess' door and Chris knocked on it. They heard multiple people talking and then it went silent and they heard someone walk to the door. The door knob twisted and then the door open to reveal Jess wearing a hot pink crop top and some white shorts with her hair in two braids.

Jess instantly beamed at the sight of the two boys. "Chris! Josh! You guys are here early, come in!" she said enthusiastically. They both smiled and walked inside.

As soon as Josh walked in he noticed Hannah and Sam in two chairs at the kitchen island that Beth was sitting on top of. Hannah beamed at Josh and said, "Hey little bro, you're here early."

"So that's what I've heard," Josh said. "What are you doing here?"

"I'm glad you asked," Hannah said, hopping off her seat. "Well, we came here after the gym because Sam told us about the party and you know, Beth and I being the absolutely most wonderful sisters in the whole world," she said as she walked to another counter in the kitchen, "we brought you cool kids a treat."

"Babe," Sam said, "Don't ever say 'cool kids' again."

"Don't rain on my parade, Sam," Hannah said as she patted the counter which had an assortment of liquor on it.

Josh's eyes widened, "How the hell did you get all of this?" he asked. "You aren't even 21."

Hannah reached into her back pocket and pulled out a piece of paper between her fingers. "Fake ID, dude. I can hook you up with this guy, its w-"

Josh held his hand up. "I'll pass. Thanks, Sis, for the offer though."

Hannah rolled her eyes, and walked back over to Sam and Beth. "Your loss."

Jess giggled. "Chris, can you help me set up the snacks?" she asked. "Just grab those chip bags from the counter over there and pour them into the bowls over there on the kitchen island."

Jess pointed next to Hannah where three bowls were.

Chris nodded. "Sure thing."

He walked over to the assortment of chips on the counter and grabbed them.

As Chris tore the bags open and poured them into the bowls, the six of them just chatted until the guests began to arrive.

-

Ashley was the first to arrive from their friend group, as soon as she walked through the door she noticed Beth and ran into her arms and Beth spun her around.

Ashley was followed by randoms from their school and eventually Matt, Mike, and Emily showed up together.

Once Emily walked through the door, Jess greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm going to turn on some music, give me a second, Em," Jess said as she ran over to her large speakers that were placed near her TV mounted on the wall. She plugged her phone into the AUX cord attached to speakers and she turned on her spotify playlist. Music began to blare through the speakers.

"LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!" Mike yelled and everybody cheered.

-

Chris was sitting on the couch, zoned out, when Matt sat next to him.

"Hey dude."

Chris looked up from his lap and gave Matt a blank stare. "Oh hey."

Matt stared back at Chris, taking in how his cheeks were flushed and how his hair was slightly messy. "How's it going, you know, in regards to the Josh situation. Are you drunk?

Chris blinked, surprised by the sudden confrontation. "Uh what do you mean by "the Josh situation"? And no, I am not drunk, but slightly tipsy," Chris said, holding out the "I" sound in slightly.

"You know exactly what I mean."

"He still doesn't know."

Matt pursed his lips. "Why don't you just, ya know, tell him?"

"Because Matt, I don't even know if he likes other boys. You know Josh, he's dated every straight girl in this school," Chris spat, irritated.

Matt chuckled at Chris' anger. "Really Chris? It's so fucking obvious that he likes you. How are you so oblivious to this?"

Chris sighed, cooling himself down. "It's not easy, man. How do I even bring it up? What if he doesn't even see me in that way? What if I tell him and it ruins our friendship?

Matt began to get up and pat Chris' shoulder. "Better figure it out now, because it looks like lover boy is heading your way," he said as he gestured his head behind Chris.

Chris quickly turned around and saw Josh.

"Fuck," he muttered to himself.

Chris turned back around to face Matt but all he seen was that Matt had already made his way to the other side of the room and him and Mike were all up on each other.

-

"Enjoying the party, Chris?'

Chris turned around again to face Josh again.

"Uh yeah, it's fun," he said, staring into his lap.

"What were you and Matt talking about?" Josh asked, settling himself close to Chris on the couch.

"Um, he was telling me about...his relationship issues with Mike."

"Cochise, don't lie to me."

"I'm not lying, Josh," Chris stammered.

"Really? Because they are making out right behind you, Chris," Josh said, his eyes digging into Chris.

"You caught me."

Josh smiled. "Why are you lying to me, Cochise?!" he said, exaggerating his despair. "You are my life long best friend, how could you do such a thing to me?"

"Shut up, dude."

Josh pouted. "I feel betrayed."

"Are you drunk?" Chris asked, arching an eyebrow. "You're acting stranger then usual."

"Mmm, a little bit," Josh replied, pursing his lips.

Chris didn't know how to continue the conversation at this point as Josh's eyes were digging into his skull and he could feel the awkward tension that formed an aura around them.

Josh placed his hand next to Chris' thigh, and he leaned forward, getting closer to Chris' face until there was no space between them.

Chris' heart began to pulsate at a rapid pace and there was a lump in the back of his throat. He knew where this was going and he didn't have a problem with it.

Chris tilted his head a bit and leaned in, his lips slightly parted as he connected his lips to Josh's.

Josh slightly hesitated at first but he eventually kissed back. Josh cupped the side of Chris' face and Josh shifted his weight onto Chris, causing Chris to fall back onto the couch and Josh to be on top. They kissed for what seemed like a long time until Josh quickly broke them apart. He crawled off of Chris and fell back onto the couch. He put his face into his hands.

Chris looked up at him. "Josh?"

"I shouldn't have done that," Josh said.

Josh lifted his head up and Chris noticed there were tears welling up in his eyes.

"I really shouldn't have done that."

Josh got off the couch and sprinted out the door, slamming it behind him. Chris stared at the door, until Emily came up to him with Jess following behind her, and tapped on his shoulder causing him to jump a bit.

"What the fuck just happened, Chris?" Emily asked.

"I-I don't know.." Chris stuttered.

"Do you need a ride home?" Jess asked him, displaying a worried expression on her face.

Chris stood up. "Uh, please."

Jess looked at Emily. "I'll be back in a bit, Em. Keep the party under control for me, please."

Emily nodded and kissed Jess quickly on the lips.

"Let's go, Chris."

-

The ride to Chris' place was quiet. Jess tried to ask him questions about what happened but Chris kept pushing them off and saying that he really doesn't know.

They eventually arrived at Chris' house. Jess drove into his driveway and put her car into park.

Chris got out of the car and before he slammed the door shut, Jess shouted, "Hey!"

Chris stared at her and said, "Chris, text me please. I love you a lot, and you know I am your friend. I will always be here for you."

Chris managed to smile a little at her. "I love you too, Jess. Thank you."

Chris finally shut the door and he could hear Jess shift her gears and back out of the driveway. Chris lifted his head up and looked at his house. He noticed that the window in the dining room was glowing with yellow light.

"Shit," Chris muttered to himself.

Chris walked to his front door and unlocked it with the spare key they had in the potted plant next to the door.

He opened it and could still see a bit of yellow light streaming from his left. He shut the door and stuck his head out and noticed his mother sitting at their family dining room table alone with only the overhead light on.

"Welcome home, Chris."

Chris completely stepped out of the shadows.

"Did you have fun?"

Chris felt tears welling up in his eyes. He really did not need this lecture right now.

"You had me worried sick, Christopher. Are you kidding me? Staying out until late at night on a damn school night without ever warning me?"

"You didn't answer my calls or texts, Chris," she said as she was staring at the drink she was stirring in front of her.

Chris took out his phone and clicked it on, and noticed three missed calls from his mom and a bunch of angry texts following them.

"Mom, I-"

"I don't want to hear it, Chris," she said sternly. "This is unacceptable behavior, young man."

At this point, tears were rolling down Chris' face.

"You are grounded for a week, no phone and no going out."

She got up from her chair. "You're lucky your father did not call the police or something."

She looked up at Chris and noticed his eyes red and his hand was covering his mouth as tears streamed down his face.

"Chris? Oh god, was I too harsh? I'm sorry. You just scared us really badly, Chris."

Chris shook his head. "He kissed me, Mom."

His mom tilted her head. "Who?"

Chris sniffled and said, "Josh, and he said it was a mistake," in a quivery voice.

Chris' mom frowned. "Oh, Chris. I'm so sorry, come here."

Chris wasn't the type to typically hug his parents because he felt that it was embarrassing but right now, he really needed that hug. He walked to his mom and she wrapped her arms around him and Chris began to sob uncontrollably into her shoulder. "I really like him, mom."

She put her hand on the back of his hand. "I know, sweetie. I know."

Chris pulled away and wiped the tears off his face. "This fucking sucks."

Chris' mom laughed a bit.

"Stop laughing."

Chris' mom held her arms up as if she was surrendering and she giggled again. "Sorry, I wasn't laughing at you and I will let you swearing in front of me slide for now."

"Anyways," she continued, "I will make you some tea and we can talk about it?"

Chris smiled. "I'll take the tea to go, please. I just want to sleep."

Chris' mom nodded. "I'll also call the school and let them know that you won't be attending tomorrow. I will also let up the one week grounding."

Chris smiled again. "Thanks mom." Chris hated missing school and especially it being only his second day.

-

Eventually his mom made him some tea and sent it with him to his room. He took a sip of it before setting it down on his bedside table.

He flopped himself down onto his bed and took his phone out of his pocket.

He opened up his contacts and selected Sam's contact name he had set for her.

Chris: He kissed me

Sam the Ham: What??? Who??

Chris: Josh

Sam the Ham: WHT!?!?!?!? OUR JOSH?

Chris: yea

Sam the Ham: o la la la how did tht go ;)

Chris: Fucking terribly thanks for asking

Sam the Ham: whut

Chris: he kissed me& then told me it was a mistake

Sam the Ham: tht bitch..im gonna beat his ass.

Chris: sam. Pls.

Sam the Ham: im so srry chris bb ily

Chris: ily 2

Sam the Ham: how abt we get some coffee after school

Chris: not gonna be at school but thatll work

Sam the Ham: hmm, then the whole gang isn't going. Ill let them know the deal. ok meet us at that coffee shop on Saint Jill Avenue.

Chris: Tammy's Café?

Sam the Ham: yea tht 1

Chris: wht time

Sam the Ham: 10 am good?

Chris: yes

Chris: is the party still going on

Sam the Ham: yes

Sam the Ham: I am just chilling with Han tho

Chris: sweet,, ill talk to you in the morning sam. Gn beeatch <3

Sam the Ham: goodnight h03

Sam the Ham: o yea also im telling everyone abt josh so we can jump him

Chris: SAM I stg

Sam the Ham: jk ily gn

-

Chris exited Sam and his conversation and selected his and Josh's.

Chris: We need to talk

Mcbro: nothing to talk abt

Chris: Josh

Mcbro: nothing, Chris. Nothing happened tonight.

Chris: We can't avoid this forever. We need to talk.

Mcbro: oh my fucking GOD. Didn't I already tell you what happened before I left, Chris? I told you I was a bit tipsy and what I did was A MISTAKE.

Mcbro: Im not gay like you, and we are only FRIENDS. Its gonna stay that way. Don't fucking text me again about this. Im done discussing this.

Chris: whatever, asshole

-

Chris threw his phone across the room and turned over onto his side. He closed his eyes and tried to sleep. He was emotionally and mentally drained but he was physically not tired. He turned back onto his back and he felt tears begin to fall from his eyes again. Memories of him and Josh began to play over and over in his mind.

Josh, his life long best friend who just kissed him a few hours previously.

-

The next morning, Chris awoke to his mom banging pots and pans around while she was making breakfast. Chris got out of bed, not bothering to make it, and he threw on a sweatshirt and switched out of his jeans and into some sweatpants. He walked out of his room to see that his mother cleaning dishes and putting them away.

"Good morning, sunshine," she said. "Did you sleep well?"

"Morning and yeah, I did. Slept like a baby," Chris replied, despite only getting a couple hours worth of sleep.

"I made some bacon and eggs, they are on the table over there, it might be a little cold though," his mom said as she put a bowl in the cupboard.

Chris stretched. "Thanks, also what time is it?"

Chris' mom looked at the time displayed on the microwave. "Its 9:48."

"Oh fuck."

Chris' mom snapped her head to face Chris. "Enough of the swearing."

Chris scratched the back of his head. "Oh. Sorry."

"Also, can I borrow your car?"

Chris' mom shut the faucet off. "Can you what now?"

"Uh..your car. Can I borrow it?"

"Are you joking right now?" she asked. "I let you stay home from school and you are asking to borrow my car?"

Chris nodded. "Yeah pretty much. I am supposed to meet up with my friends."

"Your friends? Shouldn't they all be in school?"

"Long story short, they skipped to hang out with me."

Chris' mom sighed. "You guys are so ridiculous, just go. My car keys are on the table."

Chris walked over and took two slices of bacon and her keys. "Thanks Ma, love ya," he said as he walked out of the house.

"Let's not make this a daily thing. This is a one time deal," she called out as he slammed the door.

-

Chris arrived at the café at little bit after 10. He parked his moms car by a parking meter and threw in a dollar which would buy him at least an hour. He walked into the café and looked around for his friends. He noticed Sam waving him over to a rounded booth where all of them were squished together.

"Hey guys," Chris said.

Sam immediately stood up and jumped onto him, wrapping her arms around his neck. Ashley got up and hugged him from behind, followed by Matt, who was followed by Mike, and then Emily and finally Jess.

They stood there and Chris felt happy. He felt warm and fuzzy and in this moment he knew how much his friends loved and cared for him. He wanted to be enclosed in their grasps forever and need leave it. Sam let go and looked up at Chris. "We love you, Chris. Maybe this isn't a huge deal for you but we are your best friends and we know how much you love Josh and how much he means to you. We understand how hard this is for you to take in."

Tears began to form in Chris' eyes, but this time they were tears of happiness.

"What did I do to deserve you guys?"

"Everything," Emily replied. "And I am not even mad that we are all ditching school and we are gonna get into deep shit, but it's worth it knowing you are okay, Chris."

"What she said," Mike followed up, "things will eventually fix themselves, if not we will beat the shit out of Josh for you."

Chris beamed. "I love you guys so much, but I don't think that will be necessary."

They continued to stand there, in the café, wrapped in each others arms


End file.
